Gorgeous baby!

I like the message about the past a lot. I’ve been aware more lately that most of what is going on in my mind is just complete fiction. If I can make the shift into the present moment and awareness, then it’s always better than my mental illusion, no matter how great that illusion is. I also like the part where he says “My life will not be an apology.” (I’m not sure about making statements though! or being able to choose our future!)

One thing I’ve learned from my Buddhist studies is not to make big dramatic statements about who I am or what I’ll do. I know my thinking will probably slip, and actually - that’s just fine, because it’s a process. I know my mind will not always be clear, and I won’t always make the right choices, and I know more often than not, I will not control my thoughts. I know that from paying close attention to my thoughts and how quickly they run away from me like a puppy. Setting declarative statements seems to derail me faster than anything… sometimes my Mormon perfectionism comes back to haunt me. (I will read my scriptures every day. No more swearing ever!) I’ve learned that if I make declarative statements like, “I will never… ” then I am being unrealistic. I love the way the Buddhist encourage people to just sit with things and feel them. Somehow for me that encourages a smoother transformation, and a more loving state of being.

What do you think ScottyDoo… have you been able to make declaratives that have held up for you? I know I’m taking you into the past…… so ignore this if you want ( ) but I’m just curious!

Where does the present end and the Future begin?

Sattva-

My Mormon ideas of perfection follow me always; I am still convinced that if I sit enough, one day I will wake up, then everything will be perfect…..sigh.

Wayne Says:
Where does the present end and the Future begin?

Holy shit! Are you going to make me think on a Saturday morning! yay!…. I don’t know about this one… I’ve been thinking on this one. In all honesty, it seems that the future never begins and is all illusion. It can only ever be the present. The past hold some type of energetic form for me because of the experiential memory-learning, but the future? I don’t know… I’ve been working a lot this year with manifestation and the energetic laws of the universe, but those have to be applied in the present moment, that’s the point. Now I’m rambling!

I love the buddhist notion that the past and the present are intellectual constructs and all that exists is now. I used to think that meant I could hermetically seal off my past, with all of its conditioning and unresolved issues, and toss it aside without addresing any of that stuff. It doesn’t work that way, of course–my dreams are a Jungian fantasyland–but knowing that there really is no such thing as The Past keeps me from spending too much energy on crappy things that people may have done or not done.

As for Wayne’s question about the future, I suppose it is an infinite succession of present moments. We can plan for and anticipate events that are likely or to happen, but in doing so we’re engaging in a predictive exercise that doesn’t necessarily mean that we recognize The Future as having an existence independent from the present.

so we’re engaging in a predictive exercise that doesn’t necessarily mean that we recognize The Future as having an existence independent from the present.

Interesting. Do you mean we’re so aware of the present and all of it’s repercussions?
I’ve had some interesting experiences with the past, using the work from Byron katie. I’ve been deeply questioning my past, those things that bother me - and discovering that my mind has created a big game around my story. Questioning it has brought me a lot of real healing. Her definition of forgiveness is: realizing that what you thought happened to you never really did.

I took my past one day and put in a big ziploc bag, then stuck it in the freezer. Before it even got cold I took it out and poured out the contents and looked at it again. It seemed like it could work, and it might help me achieve no-mind while sitting Zazen, but in reality there was no bag or freezer. ( I liked the image of the “hermetically sealed past).

“I suppose it is an infinite succession of present moments” That is how I think of it. I tend to think that anytime you think of something from a perceived past it suddenly exists in the present, our past is part of our present delusion. What I want from that is for it to be useful somehow. instead of a pointless exercise in wishing for a different outcome or wanting the past back. (Music was so much better in the eighties)

“realizing that what you thought happened to you never really did.” So, is that like admitting that you only have one perspective on some event, and don’t have the ability to see a situation the way others do?

From that quote the image that comes to mind is of someone who has lost an arm, Your arm is really there. (please forgive me)

This is a topic that I have a really hard time with. I am VERY stuck in my past and am having a hard time detaching myself from it. I love the Buddhist views on past and future and they really make sense to me, however I’m having a hard time really living and applying this aspect.

By not letting go of my past (post-present?) experiences and emotions, I am merely making them part of my present moment. This thought really frustrates me. I think about something and remind myself that I need to let go as it was in the past and that’s behind me, but through my obsessive quest to let go of them, I end up holding on to them tighter in a sense.

This particular excerpt really rings true from me, and I read it before I had any Buddhist slant on things, so I try to look at it from both perspectives.

Ultimately I have not taken personal responsibility for my past. I carry it around like a tarnished metal that I’m not even proud of, yet there it is ready to be put on display whenever I feel in the mood for a pity party. I have a lot of depression and self hatred because of all this. This is why I like passages like this. It helps to open my eyes and see myself in the present moment and see how I’m letting this baggage weigh me down. So in that respect I love the declarations it makes. They motivate me…for the moment, but I let that moment pass and am back into my regularly broadcast program.

I recent listened to the audio book Getting Unstuck by Pema Chodron as well and it’s really touched on the core of what my problem seems to be. I’m allowing this past events and emotions to hook me and I’m getting stuck.

I don’t know…I hope what I wrote makes some sense. I’m not very confident in what I write these days. My mind feels so jumbled and unfocused, so I never really know if my words come across how I mean them. Then I get down on myself and get hooked by that feeling, and it begins again. Don’t you love it? At least I recognize the pattern eh? Many would say that this is progress.

I can relate to what you are saying, one idea that helps me is accepting this baggage as part of the greater process of enlightenment. Trying to get rid of it is also clinging to it, so it has more power.

Yes, it took a long time for me to accept that my baggage from the past is a piece of who I am right now and internalize it, as opposed to rejecting it in toto and trying to rid myself of it. It’s not good; it’s not bad; it just is. In my own case, that means that what used to be my “dark side” is just another part of the system that is me, a part I can view with compassion and acceptance instead of with hatred and self-loathing. One thing I found helpful as to my “dark side” items was naming them for what they are, bringing them into the light of day in my own mind.

sattva wrote:

Her definition of forgiveness is: realizing that what you thought happened to you never really did.

Jack Kornfield’s is this: Forgiveness happens when we stop insisting that the past be different than it was.

randy wrote:

Yes, it took a long time for me to accept that my baggage from the past is a piece of who I am right now and internalize it, as opposed to rejecting it in toto and trying to rid myself of it. It’s not good; it’s not bad; it just is.

This is a nicely-put American view of karma — our perceptions and responses are neither good nor bad — they are simply the results of our karma. We don’t get to choose how our karma accumulated in the past manifests. We only get to determine whether our present actions entail future karma or not.

In my own case, that means that what used to be my “dark side” is just another part of the system that is me, a part I can view with compassion and acceptance instead of with hatred and self-loathing. One thing I found helpful as to my “dark side” items was naming them for what they are, bringing them into the light of day in my own mind.

In my experience, this is a helpful way of setting aside judgment, guilt, and self-condemnation — all good things. At some point, though, it’s worth considering whether letting go of the idea of “the system that is me” may be useful or even unavoidable.

I definitely notice that the minute I say I should “let go” of anything, it clings on for dear life. Simply noticing that I’m in the past again is enough to get me present. Or not. - sometimes I think it’s just fine to go back into the past, so long as I am aware of it.

Greenfrog, I really like Kornfield’s definition and I can actually see how they’re one in the same! From my perspective he’s referring to the “this shouldn’t have happened to me”, “I don’t deserve this” , “I am a victim”. Without accepting the past, we never embrace what is. From Katie’s definition, we wouldn’t possibly want the world to be any different because everything that’s happened has been part of a friendly world creating exactly what we need. Her questioning techniques have a way of helping me understand why things should have been the way they were. That understanding is what helps me release the past and see the world as loving.

Going back to the idea that we can control our thoughts, seal them off and only live in the present, I don’t believe that works. On some level we have to process the past in order to understand it and make peace. Sometimes that process is intense and a bit ugly.

I find the past in my body a lot. When I feel like sitting a lot, sleeping in, etc., I notice the wheel of samsara I started years ago of laziness, when I’m on my yoga mat and find myself pushing too hard, I notice my thoughts clinging to a better performance or a different body, I notice that wheel of samsara manifesting in goal-oriented pursuits and perfectionism, or on the mat my upper back doesn’t want to open and I realize that I’m clinging to something. Or, even though I’m perfectly calm, my heart is racing and I realize my mind is making lists of things that need to be finished. I keep trying to live in the past or the future, and my body is pulling me back into present.

ScottyDoo… that is an interesting visual “a piece of tarnished metal, that you can put out on display”. Very well put. I’ve been noticing how when I define myself with my past, “past eating disorder”, “chronic lifelong depression”, “NOM”, it allows my ego to thrive. More and more, those things in my past keep dissolving into the illusion that they are. Maybe this happens more and more with time? or simply awareness? I just know that lately whenever I attempt to label myself it feels inaccurate.

I also like how Katie’s “work” so aptly handles my constant mental chatter, including statements like “I should be a better parent” and “I’m not doing enough to make this marriage successful” and especially, “I shouldn’t be thinking such ridiculous nonsense.” There’s just this unbelievable amount of powerful love in taking any of these statements, interrogating the assumptions behind it, wondering how it would be to drop the story and for at least a little while accepting reality just as it is…..cuz what is, is ME—flailing, self-critical, selfish, and imperfect ME.

I not only lose lots of the negative stuff, but I also, amazingly, lose the self-perpetuating circle of goals and guilt that is my attempt to deal with my past, present and future nonsense, cuz I’m able to lovingly accept that being the creature ME involves some heaping piles of nonsense. I don’t really end up dissolving or eliminating many of my stories, so much as I end up authoring new ones that are far more gentle to all the characters, including myself. And when those negative statements reappear, like they do, I’m like “Oh, there I go again, being ME, how wonderful and hilarious and okay this is.”

[...] seeing the discussion generated from my “The Buck Stops Here” post, I thought I wold continue posting the rest of the excerpts from the book The Traveler’s [...]