I liked this very much! I wrote a post on my blog and also one that I submitted to the AA magazine which covers the same thing from a recoverying Alcoholics perspective. The 11th step of recovery states “Sought through prayer and mediation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand him, praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out” and the 3rd step is “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him”. My problem was I kept trying to make my understanding of God conform to others who were more inclined to believe in a Judeo Christian God, hey they had been sober long than me so maybe they understood something I didn’t, when I finally conceded to my intermost self that I couldn’t believe in their perception of God I was free. Like Brother Pete I have had a questioning mind since I was in my teens but wasn’t until about 18 months ago that I final surrendered and started searching out something that felt “right for me” and I found that in Buddhism. The only reason I can think of for why Buddhism feels so right to me is Karma. I can’t find a strong sense of direction from Taoism or Paganism but I can from Buddhism. Because Budda took out the deity or deities there is a since of relief in that I am not being judge, I honestly don’t think the Divine force of the universe is a master puppeteer guiding my every move for good or bad, my own mindfulness is my guide. If I am mindful I know if I am doing right or wrong, I am aware whether or not I am showing compassion, humility and joy. I am getting over feeling guilty for making mistakes and accepting mistakes as tools for learning, transcending suffering . I have learned how to live in the moment, sweet relief, to concentrate on the moment at hand. I still have to be aware of my past because of the dangers it presents if I don’t but it is a comfortable awareness plus I have regular association with others who have been where I have been and don’t want to return either. 
 I am greatful to live in the age of information because I have contact with others on the same path via the this meduim who assist me on my path, write great post and question some of the same things I question.
  I am so happy that your wife and you are working on this together and seem to be showing compassion for each others paths and sharing in it. The media has become so full of intolerance that people of faith are forgetting that the Masters all taught us that above all else love and tolerance are the essentials to a blissful life and the greatest coda of all the teachings. 
 Hope you don’t mind the ramble.
Scott

I am not naturally inquisitive in matters other than school and career.  I had no occasion to examine or question my beliefs until my world was turned upside down by my kids’ disabilities and the effects of those on our family life.  The system of beliefs I’d always assumed, and the organization that promoted them, failed to provide answers and no longer worked for me.  At the same time, I was questioning some of the foundational beliefs of my faith.  As I hit rock-bottom emotionally, I just happened on the Dalai Lama’s “An Open Heart” at Target.  It was a blast of fresh air.

I try to keep an open mind as to whether deity exists and whether the Christian/Mormon concepts of the afterlife just could be right.  Those things really aren’t relevant to my Zen practice or the beliefs I’ve taken from the East.  Where a guy like me would end up in a Christian heaven is anybody’s guess, but, if I live and act with love and compassion, I figure I’d end up in a pretty decent place.

I try to keep an open mind, but it’s hard when it just doesn’t work with my own logic and reasoning.

I don’t know if God is a literal person, but if he is in fact - a “he”, then he is missing the “in my own image” part. And - much of the ordinance and structure that pops up around organized religion seems to miss the mark. It seems to be the finger pointing at the moon, not the moon. Maybe the finger is even pointing at a star, not the moon.

I believe so much of organized religion (I don’t count buddhism as religion) is organized by the ego - by their human fears of death and impermanence. So much of religion is a patriarchal structure of men feeling they had to control women and probably take over the birth process by creating ordinances that allow them the power to give someone everlasting life, which was far superior from just life. Brilliant invention, if you ask me.

So I really love the idea that we can put all of that aside and work on a spiritual level. On an equal level. It seems that nothing is more equal than the churning of thoughts that every person experiences.

I used to think of the kingdoms of Mormon heaven as states of mind. It makes perfect sense when you think of it that way. I had to sit down one day and realize that what I had been believing was far from Mormon doctrine. I also decided that the Mormon view of heaven actually was a form of reincarnation.  I was in fact, taking a very buddhist point of view.

I’m not sure what happens after.  As I’ve taken to working on the present moment, I’ve lost fear of the afterlife or lack thereof.

Well I went from believing in a final judge to a “religion that says I will pay eternally for my actions.   I have a hard time with the idea of Karma,  my difficulty with it does not keep me from sitting, chanting or putting on my rokosu.   The thought I carry with me is that what is in front me is the most important,  and I should be good now despite what may be waiting for me when I die. 

Sattva-
I had a similar experience with my belief in god as you had with your belief in heaven.  I realized that the god I believed in was beyond what was being taught in seminary.