Comments on: Silent Struggles & Inner Demons

By: Tobiah

Tobiah — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 22:03:33 +0000

Tobiah here from Treeleaf… just wanna echo that you are not alone in these troubles of the mind- sounds very familiar. One thing I’ve found though: as I’ve started seriously dedicating time and energy to zazen and study, these episodes of mine (I call ‘em self-hate sessions) are getting easier to put aside. I’m learning to accept myself and look for creative (and usually simple) ways to change myself from the inside.

See ya in the zendo-
Tobiah (gassho)

By: Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 06:14:44 +0000

Hey Scott, I just had the inspiration to visit your blog and discovered this beautiful writing. I say “beautiful” writing because you have captured the irritable anguish of what it is like being “stuck.” Something I am sure we have all felt at one time or another.

If you were pregnant, I think a midwife would call this stage you are in “transition.” That’s the moment in labour were a woman can vomit or empty “all the tanks.” She hunkers down and starts to respond to a deeper instinct. And her voice changes — you can really hear that “transition” has started by her change in voice and power behind the sounds. SHAZBOT!! is as good a phrase as any for this moment; and transition is where the “rubber hits the road” and true progress gets made. Its not pretty work but it is ancient, powerful, mysterious and elegant in a primordial way.

I missed reading what kind of vows you took, but maybe that was earlier in the “birth” of yourself. Maybe now you are serious about change and willing to motor through “transition.” I think there are two rules about transition: (1) you will be tested to the limit of your capacity and not one bit more, and (2) it will have a glorious finish – a beautiful birth of a Self.

So I am sending along my compassion for you in this stage you are in and my best wishes for something new and wondrous soon may be in your life.

with blessings
Jessica

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 22:08:14 +0000

I so relate. I love those a-ha moments and times of clarity, but they are very elusive. It appears that we aren’t changing, and growing – but in actuality, what is happening is that the mind-state IS changing constantly, moving us forward and back and sideways. I’ve had my own frustrations with samsara – and I’ve learned that my desire for more structure and self-discipline is actually a grasping for permanence that doesn’t actually exist.

Given what’s been going on for you this month, I’d say it’s pretty normal to get frustrated and/or go back to a comfortable pattern.

Best thoughts to you…

By: greenfrog

greenfrog — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 20:39:25 +0000

This minute is the one that matters. All the past is just karma. We can’t avoid it. It will play as it plays.

But to borrow an instruction from the New Testament: watch.

By: fw

fw — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 10:53:38 +0000

You’re welcome for listening. I think we can all relate to the struggle you write of here. At least I know I can relate….

But don’t believe everything you think.

Peace