The Dharma of Each Other

As a Buddhist teacher, author and founder of the Upaya Zen Centre, Roshi Joan Halifax has dedicated her life to service.  Christopher Mccann listens to her stories.

Photo by: Meridel Rubenstein

I am sitting with Roshi Joan Halifax. She is propped up on pillows, her eyes steady and deep despite the pain in her body. She has slipped on a wet bathroom floor and broken her hip in four different places. She emerged from surgery with a certain equanimity, coming back to do her work in the world with the new addition of a steel plate and screws in her hip.

It’s been close to two years since we’ve seen each other, and we are happy and easy in each other’s presence. I have brought her a picture of her dog, Dominga, which she raised to her forehead like a picture of a saint before placing it on the table beside her. After spending thirty hours strapped to a gurney in an emergency room, she was moved to a private room, where we are sitting when she tells me this story:

“Imagine you’re flying in an airplane, with the wide, shimmering expanse of the sea below you. You rest comfortably in your seat, watching sunlight glint off the waves.

“Out the window you see a smaller plane come into view, flying parallel to yours and just below. There is a moment’s pause, and then the smaller plane begins to throttle back and forth, dipping and diving. And then suddenly, from the side of the plane hidden from your view, a man falls out and starts hurtling, end over end, toward the sea.

“You gasp, pressing your face closer to the glass, feeling a flash of fear course through your body. Entering into the man’s fall with him, you feel it from his body, see the ocean rushing toward you through his terrified eyes. Then with a violent splash the man plunges headfirst into the water.

“And you are still strapped in your seat, hundreds of feet above him, hardly able to breathe.”

I lean forward in my chair toward her. Where is this story going? It’s shocking and strange to me to imagine a man falling to his death, but then Roshi Joan reveals one vital detail.

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Glorious Awakening of the Three Jewels

Sunday October 19, 2008 was a very special day for me.  On this day Lopon Barbara of the Garchen Buddhist Institute in Prescott, AZ came to town for a day of Dharma.  Our little Sangha had more attendance on this day than it has in awhile, which is not surprising when the teacher comes to town, which is only once a year.

The reason this day was most special for me was that I took my refuge vows, and officially entered the Buddhist fold. I was even given a Dharma name, which is “Glorious Awakening of the Three Jewels”.  With this as well, I may actually call myself a true Buddhist, and not just someone who follows Buddhist philosophy.  I know what you’re thinking and yes, it’s only a label, but you know what, I’m happy about it and it means alot to me.  On top of taking the refuge vows, I ALSO took the Bodhisattva vows on the same day, which I will talk about more in detail in another post.

When I decided to formally commit myself to the Buddhist path, it was a big deal for me.  I’m a habitual fence sitter and rarely make decisions to which I’m fully committed.  I always tend to go the passive-aggressive route and half-commit, yet never forgetting to leave me an out (I never ACTUALLY said I could make it on Tuesday, I just said I’d try).  I hate this habit, and I vow to change it, right here and now.  This was the first big step towards that change for me.

Buddhism has been a touchy topic with my Wife and I as her level of understanding isn’t where mine is, nor does she understand my draw towards formal commitment.  After engaging in some healthy conflict, she said that she felt she understood and gave me her blessing to take the vows, which is what I was truly looking for.  I don’t want my Buddhist half to be a thorn in our marriage, even though it has been at many times so far.

I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful I feel right now.  I truly feel reborn and ready to work.  I haven’t had any supernatural experiences, nor did anything descend from the clouds in the form of a dove, but I feel a new fire within, and it feels great.

If you want me to post the details of how the overall process of taking the vows was, I would be happy to do so, just leave a comment and let me know.