Glorious Awakening of the Three Jewels

Sunday October 19, 2008 was a very special day for me.  On this day Lopon Barbara of the Garchen Buddhist Institute in Prescott, AZ came to town for a day of Dharma.  Our little Sangha had more attendance on this day than it has in awhile, which is not surprising when the teacher comes to town, which is only once a year.

The reason this day was most special for me was that I took my refuge vows, and officially entered the Buddhist fold. I was even given a Dharma name, which is “Glorious Awakening of the Three Jewels”.  With this as well, I may actually call myself a true Buddhist, and not just someone who follows Buddhist philosophy.  I know what you’re thinking and yes, it’s only a label, but you know what, I’m happy about it and it means alot to me.  On top of taking the refuge vows, I ALSO took the Bodhisattva vows on the same day, which I will talk about more in detail in another post.

When I decided to formally commit myself to the Buddhist path, it was a big deal for me.  I’m a habitual fence sitter and rarely make decisions to which I’m fully committed.  I always tend to go the passive-aggressive route and half-commit, yet never forgetting to leave me an out (I never ACTUALLY said I could make it on Tuesday, I just said I’d try).  I hate this habit, and I vow to change it, right here and now.  This was the first big step towards that change for me.

Buddhism has been a touchy topic with my Wife and I as her level of understanding isn’t where mine is, nor does she understand my draw towards formal commitment.  After engaging in some healthy conflict, she said that she felt she understood and gave me her blessing to take the vows, which is what I was truly looking for.  I don’t want my Buddhist half to be a thorn in our marriage, even though it has been at many times so far.

I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful I feel right now.  I truly feel reborn and ready to work.  I haven’t had any supernatural experiences, nor did anything descend from the clouds in the form of a dove, but I feel a new fire within, and it feels great.

If you want me to post the details of how the overall process of taking the vows was, I would be happy to do so, just leave a comment and let me know.

Quiet Place

(Each day before breakfast the founder and abbess of Sravasti Abbey, Thubten Chodron, gives a morning motivation for residents and guests. Below is a teaching given during March 2008.)

Quiet Place.

Have you ever had this experience? You walk outside, and all of a sudden the silence strikes you–it’s in such sharp contrast to the chatter that’s going on in the mind.

Photo by Jody Miller

We live in a very quiet place. We walk outside and it’s pretty quiet–a few birds chirping, sun shining. Then suddenly the chatter in the mind stops because we see that it’s just chatter. It’s in such stark contrast to the silence that’s outside.

We want to learn to notice that chatter before we even have to walk outside. And we want to be able to find that quiet place inside ourselves and keep it with us, so that even when we’re in a place where there is a lot of noise, the mind can be quiet.

All that mental chatter is basically negative conceptualization. If we were thinking about emptiness or developing compassion with that kind of mental activity, fine! Continue that outside, inside, everywhere. But most of the time what’s going on is, “I like this. I don’t like this. I want this. I don’t want that. Why does this person do this? Why don’t they do that?” That kind of mental activity makes the mind quite stressful as well as accumulates negative karma and wastes a great deal of time.

As soon as we can catch it and be aware of what’s going on in our mind, and come back to that silent space inside, the more peaceful we’ll be. Our lives will be more productive in terms of having the Dharma grow in our hearts, and we’ll be more focused in whatever daily activities we’re doing. We won’t be quite so distracted.

Thubten Chodron is the author of numerous books, including Buddhism for Beginners; Taming the Mind; Open Heart, Clear Mind; and Working with Anger

Treading Water

I feel like I’ve been swimming for a long time with no clear direction or destination.  The direction I was given from time I was born has turned out to be a different direction than I care to go.  I swam so long in that direction that now I’m out of breath and stopped swimming. I’m treading water, waiting for guidance on which way to go, or if I should just give up and let myself sink.

Photo by Zeb Andrews

My whole life I feel like I’ve been treading water, and I suppose I was never truly swimming to begin with.  The LDS church has a nice big boat that they say you can ride on, but only if you choose to believe that it’s the only boat that can really get you there safely.  Sure there are other smaller boats that will try.  Their intentions are good and the boats will float for awhile, but they didn’t have the full and complete plans for building the boat, so it’s only a matter or time before they too will sink.

I’ve decided that I don’t really care for their boat, and I think they made up the plans and have convinced everyone that they came directly from God.  I believed that for a long time as well, but now I know it’s not true, so I said f*ck it and jumped overboard.  Now I am in the water all on my own and I’m getting tired.

My wife says that the bible still has good instructions on how to build a boat, though Jesus already built one and it’s through him and only him that we can be taken safely to the other shore.  I don’t know that I buy that.  Why can’t I build my own boat?  Do I really have to use his?  What makes his boat so special?  Am I incapable of doing it on my own?

Well I don’t have answers to all those questions and I don’t know how I feel about some of them.  To be honest, thinking about some of them just gives me headaches and makes me feel like I’m ready to stop treading and let myself sink.  Am I just stubborn and arrogant to think that I have everything that I need within myself if only I wake up and realize it?  I believe my wife would say yes.  I love her dearly, but I would disagree. I don’t know however that I can truly disagree with her without it really upsetting her, and I don’t want to do that.  I appreciate that she prefers to use the boat Jesus made and that’s fine. I’m truly happy for her. The problem is that I want to build my own boat.  I want to immerse myself in the guidance of ancient teachers who have taught us how to find the plans we already have within ourselves, and not to rely on someone else to do the work.  It’s through this awakening and realization that we find our true nature, and I’m so excited to make that journey, but I don’t think that she is.  She doesn’t understand and I don’t know how to explain it.

I’m not saying that Jesus doesn’t have a great boat, whose plans came from God.  I’m just saying that I don’t know, and I’m okay with not knowing. I know there is more than one boat and I’m ready to make my own.  Others can use his, but I quite frankly don’t want to.

Is that selfish and wrong?  I’m just so sick of treading water.

I Will Seek Wisdom

After seeing the discussion generated from my “The Buck Stops Here” post, I thought I wold continue posting the rest of the excerpts from the book The Traveler’s Gift. These excerpts are the 7 life decisions given to the main character in the book in letter form from various historical figures throughout time, which he met during his magical journey. The author Andy Andrews feels these seven decisions are the key to personal success and happiness.  I poster the first decision, and so here’s the second.

The first time I read this book I knew hardly anything about Buddhism, and It’s been interesting how the message I find in these words has changed since my perspective on life and living have changed over the course of my personal spiritual journey.

I’d love to hear your personal take on this and what message or meaning you find within.

(Excerpt From The Traveler’s Gift by Andy Andrews)

I will seek wisdom.

Knowing that wisdom waits to be gathered, I will actively search her out. My past can never be changed, but I can change the future by changing my actions today. I will change my actions today! I will train my eyes and ears to read and listen to books and recordings that bring about positive changes in my personal relationships and a greater understanding of my fellow man. No longer will I bombard my mind with materials that feed my doubts and fears. I will read and listen only to that which increases my belief in myself and my future.

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The Buck Stops Here: Taking Personal Responsibility

I’ve been needing a kick in the pants lately, as I’ve found myself not taking responsibility for many of the emotions I feel and the situations I find myself in.

Photo by lar3

As it happens, Leo over at Zen Habits was wrote a post on the topic of personal responsibility today. What perfect timing, eh? Reading his post reminded me of a part of this wonderful book I read a couple years ago, and I’d like to share an excerpt from it, if you don’t mind. The book is titled “The Travellers Gift” written by Andy Andrews.

I hope that these words will inspire you as much as they do me.

The Buck Stops Here

From this moment forward, I will accept responsibility for my past. I understand that the beginning of wisdom is to accept the responsibility for my own problems and that by accepting responsibility for my past, I free myself to move into a bigger, brighter future of my own choosing.

Never again will I blame anyone else for my present situation. Neither my genetics or the circumstantial ebb and flow of everyday life will affect my future in a negative way. If I allow myself to blame these uncontrollable forces for my lack of success, I will be forever caught in a web of the past. I will look forward. I will not let my history control my destiny.

The buck stops here. I accept responsibility for my past. I am responsible for my success. I am where I am today – mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially – because of decisions I have made. My decisions have always been governed by my thinking. Therefore, I am where I am because of how I think. Today I will begin the process of changing where I am by changing the way I think.

My thoughts will be constructive, never destructive. My mind will live in the solutions of the future. It will not dwell in the problems of the past. I will seek the association of those who are working and striving to bring about positive changes in the world. I will never seek comfort by associating with those who have decided to be comfortable.

When faced with the opportunity to make a decision, I will make one. I understand that God did not put in me the ability to always make right decisions. He did, however, put in me the ability to make a decision and then make it right. The rise and fall of my emotional tide will not deter me from my course. When I make a decision, I will stand behind it. My energy will go into making the decision. I will waste none on second thoughts. My life will not be an apology. It will be a statement.

The buck stops here. I control my thoughts. I control my emotions. In the future when I am tempted to ask the question “Why me?” I will immediately counter with the answer: “Why not me?” Challenges are gifts, opportunities to learn. Problems are the common thread running through the lives of great men and women. In times of adversity, I will not have a problem to deal with; I will have a choice to make. My thoughts will be clear. I will make the right choice. Adversity is preparation for greatness. I will accept this preparation. I will be prepared for something great! I accept responsibility for my past. I control my thoughts. I control my emotions. I am responsible for my success. …The buck stops here.

(Excerpt From The Traveler’s Gift: Seven Decisions That Determine Personal Success by Andy Andrews)

EDIT: I made a few grammatical corrections, updated the title and added the picture